Missing and Murdered Children

When I was new in Alcoholic’s Anonymous one of my first sponsors and I had a conversation one day about relationships. She mentioned that for herself she believed that she had born with a “broken chooser” of sorts when it came to making good choices in the area of romantic relationships. I had to agree that I too seemed to suffer from the same affliction. It is fortunate for my children that my “broken chooser” did not cause them to come to deadly harm.I used my “broken chooser” when I met my husband. In retrospect he was exhibiting stalking behavior soon after our first date. He would call me on the telephone soon after I arrived home from work. He would comment on the phone about how I parked the car or what I was wearing. I would ask him how he knew these things and sometimes he would tell me to look out the door and across the street. He would be in the phone booth across the street. Other times he said he was sitting at the corner donut shop awaiting my arrival. Sometimes he would come to my workplace and leave a note and a single red rose on the windshield of my car. At the time I felt flattered by these behaviors and I took them as signs of affection. The instances I am speaking occurred within the first two weeks of our meeting. He also proposed marriage two days after our first date and I accepted. We married two weeks after our first date.

The “honeymoon” was short-lived. The emotional violence began soon after our return from our wedding and the physical abuse began soon after that. I attempted to leave frequently over the five years that we were married. I eventually did leave and divorce him, but still being in possession of a “broken chooser” I remarried him and that marriage lasted for nine years. I survived the insanity of marital abuse. There are still scars from that experience.

The lyrics below to the song (you are my) Soul and Inspiration by the Righteous Brothers was one hook my husband used to keep me tied to him; he was very romantic when I wanted to leave. How could I leave him when I meant so much to him and his very existence?

Girl, I can’t let you do this
Let you walk away
Girl, how can I live through this?
When you’re all I wake up for each day?
Baby, you’re my soul and my heart’s inspiration
You’re all I’ve got to get me by
You’re my soul and my heart’s inspiration
Without you baby, what good am I?
I never had much goin’
But at least I had you
How can you walk out knowin’
I ain’t got nothin’ left if you do?
Baby, you’re my soul and my heart’s inspiration
You’re all I’ve got to get me by
You’re my soul and my heart’s inspiration
Without you baby, what good am I, oh what good am I?
SPOKEN: Baby, I can’t make it withoutcha.
And I’m, I’m tellin’ ya, honey-you’re my reason for
laughin’, for cryin’, for livin’, and for dyin’.
Baby, I can’t make it without you
Please, I’m begging you baby
If you go it will kill me
I swear it, Dear, my love can’t bear it
You’re my soul and my heart’s inspiration
You’re all I’ve got to get me by
You’re my soul and my heart’s inspiration
Without you baby, what good am I, what good am I?
Mm-mm-mm Mm-mm-mm
Mm-mm-mm

Another song in his arsenal of dedications and manipulations when our marriage was in trouble was Let’s Hang On by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons:

There ain’t no good in our good-bye
True love takes a lot of tryin oh I’m cryin
Let’s hang on to what we’ve got
Don’t let go girl we’ve got a lot
Got a lot of love between us
Hang on hang on hang on
To what we’ve got
You say you’re gonna go and call it quits
Gonna chuck it all and break our love to bits
(breakin up) I wish you’d never said it
(breakin up) No no we’ll both regret it
That little chip of diamond on your hand
Mean a fortune baby but you know it stands
(for your love) A love to try and bind ya
We just can’t leave behind us
Baby (don’t you go) Baby (oh no no)
(think it over and) Stay
Let’s hang on to what we’ve got
Don’t let go girl we’ve got a lot
Got a lot of love between us
Hang on hang on hang on
To what we’ve got
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do
I’d pay any price to get in good with you
(patch it up) Give me a second turning
(patch it up) Don’t cool off while I’m burning
You’ve got me cryin dyin at your door
Don’t shut me out let me in once more
(open up) Your arms I need to hold you
(open up) Your heart oh girl I told you
Baby (don’t you go) Baby (oh no no)
(think it over and) Stay
Let’s hang on to what we’ve got
Don’t let go girl we’ve got a lot
Got a lot of love between us
Hang on hang on hang on
To what we’ve got

There was also another song he used when he felt it was his time to leave me or this song was used when I did leave him and I was holding my ground. The name of the song is Walk Like a Man by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.

Oh how you tried to cut me down to size
Telling dirty lies to my friends
But my own father said give her up don’t bother
The world isn’t coming to an end
(He said just) walk like a man
Talk like a man
Walk like a man my son
No woman’s worth
Crawling on the earth
Just walk like a man my son
Good-bye baby I don’t mean maybe
I’m gonna get along somehow
Soon you’ll be cryin on account of all your lyin
Oh yeah just look who’s laughing now
(i’m gonna) walk like a man
Fast as I can
Walk like a man from you
I’ll tell the world to forget about it girl
And walk like a man from you

Most likely the men and women in the cases I am going to discuss in this blog entry had similar drama throughout their relationships. They too most likely suffered with “broken choosers” as it pertains to romantic relationships; all ending in deadly consequences for their children.

A statewide Amber Alert was issued Friday evening in Oklahoma because a man was observed forcing sixteen-year-old Caitlin Wooten into his truck at gunpoint. Caitlin was a cheerleader at her high school. She was outside of her high school when the abduction occured.

The accused kidnapper was identified as Jerry Don Savage, 47, a former boyfriend of Caitlin’s mother. According to recent court records Jerry Savage was served with a protective order against him on August 30th of this year. After the abduction Caitlin’s grandmother received a phone call from Savage threatening to harm the girl.

On Saturday morning, Highway Patrol officers searching for the pair found their bodies in a wooded area. Both Savage and Caitlin died of gunshot wounds.

Thirteen-year-old Alexandra Anaya was reported missing from her home on August 13th. On August 16th a female torso was discovered floating in the Calumet River, it was identified as Alexandra using DNA from her mother. The body had been wrapped in a heavy chain and weighted down with concrete.

Rudolfo Heredia, 29, has been charged with federal stalking as well as the rape and decapitation of Alexandria. Prior to Alexandra’s murder Heredia had been stalking both Alexandra and her mother. Heredia is the former boyfriend of Alexandra’s mother; he had lived off and on with them throughout 2003. Earlier this year they broke up when it was discovered that Heredia had been molesting Alexandria since age seven. It is not clear why, but Alexandria’s mother never reported the molestation to authorities.

I can recall my husband making threats against me if I expressed a desire to divorce him. I can recall many times him telling me that if I left he would “hunt me down and kill me.” Later those threats turned into “if you leave me you will never see the children again, I will make sure of that.” The threats about never seeing my children again were not threats of killing them. That particular threat had to do with child custody and visitation. I never worried that my husband, the father of my two children would physically harm the children. However, I did worry that he would carry out his threat to “hunt me down and kill me”.

There is no indication in either of these stories that the men involved in the crimes were fathers of these two young girls. I don’t know if that would have made a difference or not in the outcome for these two girls. Perhaps if there had been a biological link the two murders would not have occurred.

I am hoping that these two stories are not part of the old song sung by so many abusive spouses “If I can’t have you, then no one else will”. One with a new twist; “If I can’t have you, then I will kill what you love the most, your child.”